I haven't posted anything for over a month. This has put a serious dent in my plan for blogger domination. Bollocks.
There are a myriad of reasons as to why I've so unbelievably slack. Primarily due to my quite frankly laughable workload. But there is another, more personal, slightly less rational reason.
I've joined a rugby team.
For those of you who are unaware of the game of rugby allow me to explain:
Rugby is a sport played by a team of fifteen where an oval ball is carried. The only way to stop an opposing player who has the ball is to bodily tackle him. Preferably as hard as physically possible.
Now allow me (if you will) to place this into context. I weigh 11 1/2 stone (161 lb for those in the Land of Yank). I am hitting monolithic monsters who have the edge on a fully grown African elephant. Their mates call them 'Ripper'. They eat steel and drink only diesel. They laugh when they stub their toe. They think dwarf tossing is an Olympic sport. Hell, they think that the 'Terminator' films are documentaries. The only time they felt fear was when their girlfriend had her first orgasm.
Put simply I'm way out of my league.
But has that stopped me? No. No it fucking hasn't.
There are several reasons for this. Firstly, there is nothing that compares to being part of a team. Secondly, pain is merely an excuse to have a lie down. Thirdly, there is quite a lot to be said for absolutely nobbing a truck of a prop.
So despite my obvious lack of physical presence I am having a great time. If you've never played rugby and fancy it there is no doubt a team near you. Go along to a training session. Go on. You'll like it. I promise.
20 Nov 2009
15 Oct 2009
Blog Action Day - Climate Change
I am not a hippie. I will not descend into the idea of the Earth as 'mother'. I will not personify the poor little creatures that are affected by the effects of climate change. I will not pretend that I look whistfully into the future and imagine a post-apocalyptic dystopia where my decendents scratch a living from the bare Earth and faces turned skywards scream 'why didn't you turn the heating down one fucking degree?'
Becuase I, like all other hairless apes, don't look beyond the temporal horizon that extends one week beyond our faces.
You see the problem with climate change is that it doesn't affect us directly. Not like fixing the toaster. Or terrorism. It is a nebulous idea. Scientific in explanation that seems a million miles away. We nod and agree and recycle before jumping in our cars to drive to heated houses before turning on the 55'' plasma T.V. and watching a four hour episode of 'Strictly Come Dancing', turning on all the lights, chucking the washing in the tumble dryer, leaving the fridge door open, roasting a 56kg whole pig for two, sitting down at a computer with wireless connection to spend 3 hours writing a blog about climate change.
You see the issue of climate change exposes us at our most degraded. It seems so far away so we don't really bother. Oh, we pay lipservice to it but when anything big is done about it we fail.
I'll give you an example. About a year ago the Government suggested that it would be a good idea to monitor the amount of waste that goes into our bins using a microchip. The ultimate goal was no doubt to start to charge people for the amount of waste people threw away.
Did the fine people of this great nation accept such a forward thinking and fair way of trying to reduce the amount of waste mindlessly chucked out?
Did they fuck!
Allusions were drawn from 1984 because it was an attack on the rights of every British person to have their own four acres of landfill without the intrusion of a Big Brother government.
This is from the country with the most CCTV cameras per capita in the world.
I wish that we could change. I wish that the soviet experiment showed that we can move beyond the self interested actions and do something alturistic. Not because of any form of vicarious motivation, nor because of the threat of mass flooding, starvation and death.
But because it is the right thing to do.
Becuase I, like all other hairless apes, don't look beyond the temporal horizon that extends one week beyond our faces.
You see the problem with climate change is that it doesn't affect us directly. Not like fixing the toaster. Or terrorism. It is a nebulous idea. Scientific in explanation that seems a million miles away. We nod and agree and recycle before jumping in our cars to drive to heated houses before turning on the 55'' plasma T.V. and watching a four hour episode of 'Strictly Come Dancing', turning on all the lights, chucking the washing in the tumble dryer, leaving the fridge door open, roasting a 56kg whole pig for two, sitting down at a computer with wireless connection to spend 3 hours writing a blog about climate change.
You see the issue of climate change exposes us at our most degraded. It seems so far away so we don't really bother. Oh, we pay lipservice to it but when anything big is done about it we fail.
I'll give you an example. About a year ago the Government suggested that it would be a good idea to monitor the amount of waste that goes into our bins using a microchip. The ultimate goal was no doubt to start to charge people for the amount of waste people threw away.
Did the fine people of this great nation accept such a forward thinking and fair way of trying to reduce the amount of waste mindlessly chucked out?
Did they fuck!
Allusions were drawn from 1984 because it was an attack on the rights of every British person to have their own four acres of landfill without the intrusion of a Big Brother government.
This is from the country with the most CCTV cameras per capita in the world.
I wish that we could change. I wish that the soviet experiment showed that we can move beyond the self interested actions and do something alturistic. Not because of any form of vicarious motivation, nor because of the threat of mass flooding, starvation and death.
But because it is the right thing to do.
10 Oct 2009
Dealing With Prejudice.
One of the hardest things I have to do as a teacher is to deal with prejudice and challenge preconceptions. It sounds like a fairly easy thing to do. Pupil says something untoward, you calmly explain why that isn't acceptable, pupil becomes well adjusted member of society and goes on to challenge predjudicial behaviour at home and within their peer group.
Bollocks.
What actually happens is pupil says something unacceptable (in my place of work either mildly racist or homophobic), you are actually disgusted by the comment and erupt into a 45 minute lecture on the rights of man at great volume. You may or may not point out some of the pupil's obvious shortcomings such as lack of personal hygene, questionable parentage or, in extreme cases, their having the mental capcity of the common or garden snail. Once you have calmed down you will have to log the incident somehow and inform the parents.
The next day you will open up your emails and discover that the little scrote's parents have decided that the way you dealt with the incident was unacceptable and they have notified the headteacher of your actions. The first email you write in response is blocked by the school's filtering system as it contains 32 seperate examples of the word 'fuck'.
An hour later the headteacher calls you into their office for a 'chat'. They politely explain that we must remember to treat our pupils with 'diginity and respect' and, as such, refering to them as 'the bastard offspring of Hitler, Pol Pot and Gary the Racist Duck' isn't really acceptable. You want to explain that you didn't say 'duck' and this demonstrates the lack of attention the pupil pays in your lessons but realise that this will only make things worse.
You then come to the shocking self-revelation that the reason the pupil was being a racist twat was because the parents see nothing wrong in it. Indeed, the parents make those comments all the time. There may be some reason for it - perhaps they haven't got any work because Polish workers can do the same job cheaper, perhaps it is fear of the unknown or perhaps it is because they haven't left the village they were born in all their life and still think people with different coloured skin are somehow out to get them and their wife (who doubles up as sister and cousin) agrees.
I don't know the ultimate reason. What I do know is this conflict between my liberal ideals and the swathe of ignorance I see before me is very hard reconcile in a way which befits my supposed responsibilites as a rolemodel. What I find unaccptable they see no problem in. What makes my blood boil they see as funny. This is the point at which my professionalism falls down.
Perhaps I should be less prejudiced against rasicst, homophobic, stuttering idiots.
Perhaps not...
Bollocks.
What actually happens is pupil says something unacceptable (in my place of work either mildly racist or homophobic), you are actually disgusted by the comment and erupt into a 45 minute lecture on the rights of man at great volume. You may or may not point out some of the pupil's obvious shortcomings such as lack of personal hygene, questionable parentage or, in extreme cases, their having the mental capcity of the common or garden snail. Once you have calmed down you will have to log the incident somehow and inform the parents.
The next day you will open up your emails and discover that the little scrote's parents have decided that the way you dealt with the incident was unacceptable and they have notified the headteacher of your actions. The first email you write in response is blocked by the school's filtering system as it contains 32 seperate examples of the word 'fuck'.
An hour later the headteacher calls you into their office for a 'chat'. They politely explain that we must remember to treat our pupils with 'diginity and respect' and, as such, refering to them as 'the bastard offspring of Hitler, Pol Pot and Gary the Racist Duck' isn't really acceptable. You want to explain that you didn't say 'duck' and this demonstrates the lack of attention the pupil pays in your lessons but realise that this will only make things worse.
You then come to the shocking self-revelation that the reason the pupil was being a racist twat was because the parents see nothing wrong in it. Indeed, the parents make those comments all the time. There may be some reason for it - perhaps they haven't got any work because Polish workers can do the same job cheaper, perhaps it is fear of the unknown or perhaps it is because they haven't left the village they were born in all their life and still think people with different coloured skin are somehow out to get them and their wife (who doubles up as sister and cousin) agrees.
I don't know the ultimate reason. What I do know is this conflict between my liberal ideals and the swathe of ignorance I see before me is very hard reconcile in a way which befits my supposed responsibilites as a rolemodel. What I find unaccptable they see no problem in. What makes my blood boil they see as funny. This is the point at which my professionalism falls down.
Perhaps I should be less prejudiced against rasicst, homophobic, stuttering idiots.
Perhaps not...
30 Sept 2009
Smart Kid
Quiet time from me due to work (I know, I know) so I shall post this vid as it made me laugh in a meeting. Yes I got into trouble.
Enjoy:
Enjoy:
26 Sept 2009
Hitching a ride on the gravy train.
So long suckers!
That's what my words of adieu will be once I receive my cheque for loads-a-money. To cut a long story short, I've had an exciting piece of news via my email.
Apparently someone with the last name as me has died and a very nice lawyer has contacted me to say that I'm due US$ 17.5 Million.
I know, I couldn't believe it either...
Right, I can't maintain this insufferable idiotic outlook on email scams. I was going to try to keep it up all the way through but instead, you'll have to deal with me being a grumpy bastard.
Who the fuck does this work on? Who actually thinks that some distant relative they had no previous knowledge of would remember them in a will? This deserves a cut and paste exercise in being incredulous:
I am Vincent Tay (Tay &Partners),an attorney at law in Malaysia.
A good start, sounds respectable. I normally get worried when people in the law contact me for seemingly no reason so it grabs my attention. Note the lack of space after the comma.
A deceased client of mine, who shares the same last name as yours, died as the result of a heart-related condition on March 12th 2005.
So you don't actually use the name. I mean, I've got a pretty unusual last name but I imagine there are quite a lot of people in the world with it. What if it was a different person with the same last name as me? Wouldn't that be like stealing? Maybe you should ask some other people just in case. Or split the money. That would work.
His heart condition was due to the death of all then known members of his family in the tsunami disaster on the 26th December 2004 in Sumatra Indonesia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2004_Indian_Ocean_earthquake.
What do you mean? Were the rest of his family naturally producing an anti-oxidant aerosol which, him being deprived of has led to a major cardiac infarction? Why have you linked Wikipedia? You're offering me $17.5 million and you want me to do some reading? Or is it just in case I had forgotten about the biggest natural disaster of my lifetime? I am confused and bewildered by this.
I can be reached on (barrvincenttay@sify.com) for more information. My late Client has a deposit of Seventeen Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars (US$17.5 Million Dollars) left behind.
Surely your late client had a deposit? Unless he is undead. In which case he might not want me taking his money. I'll be honest, I'm not sure I want a zombie hunting me down even for US$17.5 Million.
Suffice to say I didn't take this offer up. Although I did surprise myself the first time I read it. You see, the first thing that went through my head was 'US$17.5 Million! Sweet!'
What the fuck was that about? I'm a relatively intelligent person I'm also naturally skeptical (I still debate the existence of badgers). But in this instance my incredulity was overridden by avarice. My brain is hardwired to make me go 'ooooh, lovely money'. I suppose that's how these things work but for a split second I was no different from those mumbling morons that respond to the 'nice Nigerian chap who's having a bit of a rough time'.
So in answer to my first question these scams (even if it is fleetingly) work on us all because at heart, we are all money grubbing bastards that would sell our own grandmothers if, in return, we got a shed load of cash. Either that or I'm a money grubbing bastard that would sell his own grandmother for a shed load of cash.
Neither of those options do I find appealing.
That's what my words of adieu will be once I receive my cheque for loads-a-money. To cut a long story short, I've had an exciting piece of news via my email.
Apparently someone with the last name as me has died and a very nice lawyer has contacted me to say that I'm due US$ 17.5 Million.
I know, I couldn't believe it either...
Right, I can't maintain this insufferable idiotic outlook on email scams. I was going to try to keep it up all the way through but instead, you'll have to deal with me being a grumpy bastard.
Who the fuck does this work on? Who actually thinks that some distant relative they had no previous knowledge of would remember them in a will? This deserves a cut and paste exercise in being incredulous:
I am Vincent Tay (Tay &Partners),an attorney at law in Malaysia.
A good start, sounds respectable. I normally get worried when people in the law contact me for seemingly no reason so it grabs my attention. Note the lack of space after the comma.
A deceased client of mine, who shares the same last name as yours, died as the result of a heart-related condition on March 12th 2005.
So you don't actually use the name. I mean, I've got a pretty unusual last name but I imagine there are quite a lot of people in the world with it. What if it was a different person with the same last name as me? Wouldn't that be like stealing? Maybe you should ask some other people just in case. Or split the money. That would work.
His heart condition was due to the death of all then known members of his family in the tsunami disaster on the 26th December 2004 in Sumatra Indonesia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2004_Indian_Ocean_earthquake.
What do you mean? Were the rest of his family naturally producing an anti-oxidant aerosol which, him being deprived of has led to a major cardiac infarction? Why have you linked Wikipedia? You're offering me $17.5 million and you want me to do some reading? Or is it just in case I had forgotten about the biggest natural disaster of my lifetime? I am confused and bewildered by this.
I can be reached on (barrvincenttay@sify.com) for more information. My late Client has a deposit of Seventeen Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars (US$17.5 Million Dollars) left behind.
Surely your late client had a deposit? Unless he is undead. In which case he might not want me taking his money. I'll be honest, I'm not sure I want a zombie hunting me down even for US$17.5 Million.
Suffice to say I didn't take this offer up. Although I did surprise myself the first time I read it. You see, the first thing that went through my head was 'US$17.5 Million! Sweet!'
What the fuck was that about? I'm a relatively intelligent person I'm also naturally skeptical (I still debate the existence of badgers). But in this instance my incredulity was overridden by avarice. My brain is hardwired to make me go 'ooooh, lovely money'. I suppose that's how these things work but for a split second I was no different from those mumbling morons that respond to the 'nice Nigerian chap who's having a bit of a rough time'.
So in answer to my first question these scams (even if it is fleetingly) work on us all because at heart, we are all money grubbing bastards that would sell our own grandmothers if, in return, we got a shed load of cash. Either that or I'm a money grubbing bastard that would sell his own grandmother for a shed load of cash.
Neither of those options do I find appealing.
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