24 Aug 2009

Not A Wonk...What A Wanker

America. Home of the free and land of the brave (or whichever way round it is). I salute you. Not only do you invent some pretty nifty things but you also produce the top-notch Grade A nutters.

I give you example A: http://www.notawonk.com/

This is a right wing blog written by 'Patti' of Texas. You can tell it's right wing and American because it harps on endlessly about how democrats are socialists, how national healthcare is as bad as the Einsatzgruppen Commando Squads and endless tracts about God. God does she go on about God!

That's right folks, it's open letter time...

Dear Patti,

You don't know me personally (and I'm sure we're both thankful for this) but what I have to say will hopefully make you pause and think before you stab your digits vitriolically onto a keyboard. I promise to try to avoid any personal remarks and focus on your views and opinions. I'm sure at heart you're a really nice person. Slightly naive and a little misguided perhaps, but a nice person. As such, I'll try to maintain the pretense of respectability afforded to us by our respective democracies.

You are quite clearly an absolute fucking moron. Not only do you parrot the non-sensical dribblings of Fox News, you actually believe - deep in your soul - that what you are saying is true. It is a sad thing to see.

Look at your post on the current health care reforms. Utter tosh. The thing that gets my back up the most is:

'Then he berates those who oppose the plan by saying that we are neglecting the weakest among us. This is a little sneakier, because he takes you to task by invoking Jesus, yet doesn't come right out and say it, but it's there so you feel like you have failed and maybe his plan is good. Baloney. I give to many charities and I know you do to. I am taking care of my brothers and sisters. THIS IS NOT A GOVERNMENT ISSUE.

You give to charities? Well fucking done. What do you want a medal? I mean, surely helping those who don't have the means to help themselves is a core tenant of any government's responsibilities. As such, IT IS A GOVERNMENT ISSUE.

Anyway, I'm a little confused over your apparent devotion to Christianity; a faith, insofar as I can make out, focused on helping your fellow man. What more help could be offered than the possibility of free health care to everyone? I don't want to labour the point (as I've already done that in a previous post) but I'm sure you can see my confusion.

You also discuss how Obama is a liar. I know what it's like to have a government that lies to its people. Our Labour (socialist) government lied to us so that we could support America in the Iraq invasion. They told us that there were weapons of mass destruction that could hit London. Do you remember that Patti? You were told the same. And in we went. The thing is the majority of the lies currently being said in the USA are from right wing commentators. Click on any of the links on the right hand side of your page and you'll see what I mean.

I like the story you post about the man carrying a gun near Obama when the president was in Arizona. I mean, you say he was exercising his rights to bear arms and had an absolute legal right to do so. Ignoring the fact that this is a legal anachronism do you not think it is a little bit silly to be handling a weapon around the most heavily protected man on Earth? Yes it is isn't it. So rather than saying this is good thing perhaps we should move this into the 'what not to when surrounded by secret service agents' pile (other examples include 'lunge wildly at the Pope', 'wear a Sex Pistols t-shirt when receiving an OBE' and my personal favourite 'goose-step across the Polish/German boarder whilst shouting "ve're back again mit zee tanks"').

Now, you may well be saying 'how can someone non-American comment on our politics'. Well for two reasons, you started it when you kept talking about England (it's Britain for fuck's sake, we don't say 'Ohio' to describe the whole of the USA). Also, American politics have huge repercussions for everyone around the world that we are entitled to an opinion. We can't do anything with that opinion other than moan, point the finger and laugh.

I could go on but your blog is for me the equivalent of a sweet shop to a four year old. There is so much on offer that I loose control and can only mumble 'wanna make fun' before my body shuts down with incredulity.




  1. I've grown up around those type of people almost all my life (in the aforementioned Ohio), and it's... well, it gets to be not funny after a while, and I say this as a Democrat with some religious leanings. You really have to love this assumption that charity is enough to take care of everyone, because you know, everyone in America totally donates as much as they can and all the money goes where it's supposed to! Look at New Orleans? They've totally fixed up the place thanks to the help of their fellow Americans!

    Oh, no, wait, it's still a wasteland that's still struggling to get anywhere near what it used to be.

    Whatever. John the Baptist was totally a socialist. I think he'd approve of El Obama's ideas.

  2. ooh yeah. that just made me embarrassed to live in texas. great blog!

  3. Oh, Duke. I hope you don't think that all of us Americans are todgers like Patti.

    Some of us are more like Queen Latifah, and even more of us are like anthracite coal. Intellectually speaking, that is.

  4. Anne: I agree, charity doesn't work on a grand scale and surely that's all religion is an agreement to help others under the guidance of a set of rules.

    Lauren: I apologise for any 'collateral damage' caused by the reading of my posts.

    Mr. Apron: Of course I don't, indeed I could have highlighted some of the dribbling cretins from the UK who voted BNP but someone gave me the heads-up on this so thought I'd respond.

  5. Dude... or mate. That was mind blowing. If I smoked I'd light one up right now. I mean I couldn't have put it any better, and I tried. You know I haven't checked our friend Patti's little candy store in a while myself (can't afford the cavities) but I'm tempted. Looking forward to your next post.

  6. I love your blog. Seriously. Just found it today on 20sb. But then, how can I NOT love a fellow teacher who overuses parethetical phrases and underuses semi colons!! Also, I am from Texas (and a far left-winger) I just want you to not let right-wing bloggers color your perception of ALL people from Texas.

  7. Ach, I see an Apron in your comment thread! I guess angry attracts angry...!

    "I don't want to labour the point" -- followed by your comment about our Labour government. Cute if intentional! Otherwise just a groaner :P

    Never really got the conservative -> guns -> Christ -> no healthcare thing. I don't think every hardcore Christian is also a Gun Lover, right? Likewise, I don't think every Christian is against healthcare?

    I think it just so happens that some noisy conservatives happen to also be Christians?

    But I don't know enough about the history of American politics/religion to say much more :)

  8. Mmmmm... Sir Duke, you do harp well! Tis' true, she's a fucking looney. She got lost when she was born and at the ripe age of four her daddy shoved the shot gun into her hand, showed her right from wrong (or left, some may call it), and how to solve all the nation's issues.

    Your intentions are noble my dear... but they are lost on people with such little minds and an inability to work them.

    I was watching a man talk about this whole healthcare issue, and the way our country does everything back and forth like some lop-sided row boat. I really wish we could all just work together. But... I'm sure we will continue to do this back and forth, right and left, dems and reps crap for a very long time. No one has balls or smarts enough to end it.

    Smart post.