3 Feb 2010

I am actually going to China

Well I got the job.

It's been a bit crazy here and somewhat emotional but in August I will be heading to work in China. Thanks for all the comments and messages of support, they were greatly appreciated.

What it also means is that I will be able to give one hell of a farewell speech. Obviously it's early days but I've got a couple of initial ideas kicking around. Let me know what you think...

Fuckers, fuckers, fuckers. I'm off to work for much more money in a country where education is respected and there are no OFSTED inspections. I will be getting more holiday than you and I'll be able to travel and explore the whole of Asia.

I will most likely keep in contact with the few of you who I actually respect - if you don't hear from me within two weeks it means I think you're a cunt. I thank you for my leaving present of [insert name of object] but I can pretty much guarantee that it will go in the bin within five minutes of me getting home/be on EBAY faster than Michael Jackson's hair [delete according to value of gift].

For those of you who I have had to cover for due to your illness then I humbly ask you to write a cheque for one fifth of your salary. Either give it to me or a charity because quite frankly, you don't deserve it. Everyone else makes it in when they're feeling a bit under the weather why should you be different? Twat.

I would however, like to make a special mention to whomsoever uses my classroom last thing on a Thursday. Why do I have to clear up your shit? Also, why can't you control your kids enough to prevent them writing 'I fucked Jamie's mum in the butt' and 'Terry has a cunt face' on my wall before I have a parental meeting? Why do I have to apologise to Mrs Hysterical and Mr Greatly-Offended about other people's classes?

Anyway - thanks for the references.


I know it needs some work here and there but I like the mixture of profanity and general finality it currently has about it.

Obviously suggestions would be welcome...


  1. dude i just read this out loud because i found it HILARIOUS.

    i hope you really give this speech.

  2. This made me laugh... A LOT.

  3. cunt and twat are the best words EVER! thank you for the laughs. China's great too.